Life is messy, its not like a movie where everything is wonderful, has a happy ending, it simply is.

I was managing sort of ok, then I fell into a heap.

In my meltdown, I needed to examine myself.

My whole way of dealing with situations, ones that frankly give me the shits, annoy me.

People who annoy me. And especially why nobody takes my NO seriously.

Then I really needed to examine how I keep reacting to these types of people, only to find basically, I react from a fear based perspective.

This is the honest truth, and I am not proud of it.

J, I sent you a lot of text messages today, I hope you will forgive me. I know you have a lot going on in your life too.

When I thought this couldn’t get any worse, I found new Youtube recordings about Narcissists.

I had thought I was over this subject, I had even unsubscribed from the other videos. I am fed up with this subject, as I really cannot understand this behaviour, and God knows I’ve tried really hard to understand this.

I will add the video that helped me get out of todays meltdown:

Thank you: FearLess Focus, you helped me examine myself deeper.

I needed to examine my own reactions much more than I had.

And again I am not proud of my fears, on the contrary, I am humiliated by them.

I listened to this one late this afternoon, lying down in my bed.

Today was a very bad day.

This evening, now is better.

Then I listened to this video:

Thank you again: FearLess Focus.

This video I listened to in my lounge room, with the other person still speaking at me.

I have had speaking at me, note left for me again today; even though the Queensland Police have told this person NOT to speak to/at me. NOT to keep leaving these notes for me.

These notes I find on the kitchen bench when I get up in the mornings, and feed my cats.

Both of my cats are unwell too. This has added to my feeling bad.

Many different things have added to how I felt earlier today.

I hope with all sincerity that you are having a good day/evening.